The Psychology Behind a Free Hotel Upgrade: Why Charm Beats Cheek at the Front Desk

(Reproduced with kind permission of Sophie Rhone who retains copyright)

The Psychology Behind a Free Hotel Upgrade: Why Charm Beats Cheek at the Front Desk

Senior Psychologist John Eastman reveals the science of getting hotel perks — without being pushy

With summer holidays in full swing and staycations still booming, more Brits are trying their luck at hotel check-ins — hoping to bag a room upgrade without spending a penny.

But according to Senior Psychologist John Eastman from Private Investigators UK most people are going about it the wrong way — and could actually be damaging their chances by being too direct, entitled, or desperate.

“A lot of people assume confidence is the key to persuasion — but when it comes to service staff, likability trumps dominance every time,” Eastman explains.

“Hotel staff are trained to clock your mood and motives in seconds. If you come across as difficult, pushy, or transactional, they’re far less likely to bend the rules for you.”

The Psychology of the Perfect Ask

John Eastman shares his evidence-backed tips for successfully requesting a room upgrade:

DO:

• Time your ask carefully – Avoid peak check-in hours. You’ll have more luck when the desk is quieter and staff have time to be flexible.
  
  
• Build rapport first – A warm smile, polite tone and genuine small talk go a long way. “People are more likely to say yes to someone they feel connected to, even briefly,” Eastman says.
  
  
• Use soft, open-ended language – Try: “Any chance there might be an upgrade available today?” rather than “Can I get an upgrade?”.
  
  
• Mention a special occasion – But only if it’s true. “Don’t lie — people in customer service can smell dishonesty a mile off,” Eastman warns.
  
  
• Be visibly appreciative – Even if they say no. Staff remember pleasant guests, and may offer perks later (like late checkout or breakfast vouchers).
  
  

AVOID:

• Don’t demand or name-drop status – “Saying you’re a loyal customer or ‘I paid a lot for this’ doesn’t create goodwill — it creates resistance,” says Eastman.
  
  
• Don’t fake emergencies – False sob stories or exaggerating problems are often spotted and can get you flagged, not favoured.
  
  
• Don’t ask while distracted or on your phone – “You’re not forming any connection. It makes staff feel like you see them as an obstacle, not a person.”
  
  

Do Staff Actually Have the Power to Upgrade You?

In many hotels, front desk staff have a certain number of “discretionary perks” they can offer — including complimentary upgrades. But they’re not obligated to give them out.

“These perks are emotional currency,” Eastman says. “They’re handed to guests who make staff feel good — not the ones who push, threaten, or play games.”